No Rush

(Song that would go well playing in the background of this post: "The Dress Looks Nice On You" by Sufjan Stevens.)

I'm starting to realize that a lot of these posts are not going to be life-changing revelations. (Yeah, you didn't know I thought so highly of myself, did you ;)?) But really, a lot of the things that I feel like writing are things that I already know somewhere inside of me (and perhaps, so do you) but that I am going to post anyway because I feel like we could all use a little reminder sometimes.

For instance: Recently I have been feeling super weak and emotionally challenged simply because it seems like it is taking me so long to get over the pain of my breakup (especially because he seems to be coping just swimmingly). But today, a friend helped me realize that I am only contributing to my pain by getting frustrated with myself for "taking too long to heal." That's just silly. And it makes sense...I mean, why should we put a time limit on healing? After all, we don't put a time limit on joy, and they are both just natural processes of life.

Perhaps my other good friend said it best in a text message she sent me a couple nights ago:
"Let things suck. If you're sad about something or if something is hard for you, let it be hard. Write, journal, talk, drink, do yoga, take up art therapy, do whatever the fuck you do to make things suck a little less and you do it all the time. You'll start to figure out why things suck, and even if you can't, you'll find your own kind of peace with things. And the happy you feel when you do that is unlike any kind of happy I could ever describe. Literally ever. And I wish that for you very, very soon."

Incidentally, I have amazing, amazing friends.

But yes. I believe it is of utmost importance to give yourself time to grieve...ample time. Days of time if it's enough, but if it's not, then weeks of time. Months of time. Years of time. Who cares? Thinking you're messed up for feeling sad is only going to make things worse. Everyone gets over things at his or her own rate, and that's okay. That said, I do agree that it's important to actively play a role in your own recovery by doing things that you know will make you feel slightly better. I find that wallowing in grief is less than productive and quite frequently leads to feeling like a pile of horse shit. Distinctly unpleasant.

Personally, I am confident that I am on my way to finding my own kind of peace with things. In fact, I'm thankful for the opportunity to grow in this way-- a challenge I know I would have never put myself up to were I anything but single right now. Being single is forcing me to rely on myself for my own comfort, strength, and happiness, and that ability is valuable beyond measure. Hopefully the peace I find will be something that sticks with me through good times and bad...for what is it ultimately but peace with myself? My raw, vulnerable self.

As always, I'm excited for the journey, and I'm thankful that you're taking it with me. I'll drink to that (ALL I CAN DRINK THURSDAY!)....as long as you'll drink with me.

Margaret